I used to live with a lot of regret and guilt. There were a lot of things I could have done differently. But I didn't know how at the time. The things I did are done, and the things I said are said. There is no unringing the bell. But I know now, and I can do better going forward.
Writing and reflection. I had the opportunity to experience "deathbed regrets" and vowed to be a better person if I got a second chance. I got that chance, and I'd like to think I've kept up my end of the bargain.
There's something comforting about the idea of regret. I can wrap myself in it like a blanket when it comes up. I can savor the feeling and reflect on what I missed, what I gave up. Looking back with experience and self-knowledge lets me love that younger self that didn't always make the best choices. I don't have to hurt myself with it, as I did for so long by feeling guilt instead.
You don't have to, and probably shouldn't, try to put a positive spin on things. Just try to either say you're sorry in words, or in other ways. Listening, sharing, laughing, loving. This may not be what you meant, in which case I apologize.
No, you are right. Most of my regrets have to do with things I did to myself, sometimes long ago, so I don’t have anybody to apologize to but me. Some things I thought I would regret, I didn’t. Regret feels hollow. That’s what I don’t like.
I love your wisdom. Your piece got me thinking because I use to say "I don't regret". But that's not true! I was young and stupid then. I regret not being more patient, more loving and kinder with myself and others. I just didn't know how to do it until middle age appeared and I didn't have the energy for "do it better" anymore. That's when I let go, found compassion and joy. I only regret I didn't find it sooner.
Grappling with guilt and regret after recent loss… right now, one is sharp, and one is sad. Interesting to think about how they are related and how time may change the balance. Thank you for your words.
“The tiny perimeter in which I had failed to live my life had all but disappeared, and maybe forgiveness seeped under the door, or grace through the open windows…” I lived in that tiny perimeter for so long. In AA there’s a saying (one of the promises actually) that says, “I will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” It’s the one promise in the program that I could never find true alignment with. Your reframing is helpful. Thank you. Regret isn’t terrible. It isn’t the worst. I think maybe it’s like one of those really good friends who tells us the truth, but still loves us as if whatever we’ve done never happened.♥️
´I think of regret as what guilt turns into when it grows up.’ I love this, Abigail.
I was just chatting with another writer here about what to do with feelings of shame and guilt, so this is really timely. How did you know?!
I'm so glad this rang a bell, and thank you, Wendy.
I used to live with a lot of regret and guilt. There were a lot of things I could have done differently. But I didn't know how at the time. The things I did are done, and the things I said are said. There is no unringing the bell. But I know now, and I can do better going forward.
Yes. I've thought about this a lot too. It certainly helps to grow older. And do better. Thank you. I'm glad this rang a bell.
"The things I did are done, and the things I said are said. There is no unringing the bell" ... so well put. Writing certainly helps, right?
Writing saves a life. Mine, anyway. Not literally, but writing allows you the clarity to actually live your life.
Writing and reflection. I had the opportunity to experience "deathbed regrets" and vowed to be a better person if I got a second chance. I got that chance, and I'd like to think I've kept up my end of the bargain.
I'm glad for you, and thank you.
I love this piece. Thank you.
Thank you, Judy.
Beautiful as always. Whenever I feel a sense of regret, I knew there was a course. Correction, a bump in the road, growth awaiting me.
💚🌹💜
Exactly. Thank you, Prajna.
I love this peace. Its softness, forgiveness.
Thank you, Nancy.
These words shook hands with the ache in my stomach. Made some kind of peace pact.
What a beautiful reframing of human emotion. Thanks Abby. You’re my favorite ❤️
Thank you, Kate. I am so glad you liked it. And thank you for such kind words.
I love this - thank you for the reframe.
Thank you, Erin. Hope it is useful. So glad you liked it, thank you for reading.
There's something comforting about the idea of regret. I can wrap myself in it like a blanket when it comes up. I can savor the feeling and reflect on what I missed, what I gave up. Looking back with experience and self-knowledge lets me love that younger self that didn't always make the best choices. I don't have to hurt myself with it, as I did for so long by feeling guilt instead.
No. And regret is an active force, it doesn't pin you in a corner. Thank you, Nan.
I love this piece so much!
Thank you, Heidi. It took me years to get here, Thank god for getting old!
Hear hear.
Regret is my least favorite emotion. But sometimes it’s hard to put a positive spin on things.
You don't have to, and probably shouldn't, try to put a positive spin on things. Just try to either say you're sorry in words, or in other ways. Listening, sharing, laughing, loving. This may not be what you meant, in which case I apologize.
No, you are right. Most of my regrets have to do with things I did to myself, sometimes long ago, so I don’t have anybody to apologize to but me. Some things I thought I would regret, I didn’t. Regret feels hollow. That’s what I don’t like.
I love your wisdom. Your piece got me thinking because I use to say "I don't regret". But that's not true! I was young and stupid then. I regret not being more patient, more loving and kinder with myself and others. I just didn't know how to do it until middle age appeared and I didn't have the energy for "do it better" anymore. That's when I let go, found compassion and joy. I only regret I didn't find it sooner.
Happy for you. And thank you.
Thank you for this, Abigail.
Thank you, Jeremy. So glad you liked it.
Grappling with guilt and regret after recent loss… right now, one is sharp, and one is sad. Interesting to think about how they are related and how time may change the balance. Thank you for your words.
Thank you for reading, thank you for thinking it through.
Dog. In a loving home. With tons of fields to roam. And beds in every room. And humans to cuddle with at night. I want to be my dogs! Love this piece.
Thank you. That makes me happy to know.
Oh and I love having your book by my bedside, with you and your pup on the cover!
Thank you. So nice of you to say.
“The tiny perimeter in which I had failed to live my life had all but disappeared, and maybe forgiveness seeped under the door, or grace through the open windows…” I lived in that tiny perimeter for so long. In AA there’s a saying (one of the promises actually) that says, “I will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” It’s the one promise in the program that I could never find true alignment with. Your reframing is helpful. Thank you. Regret isn’t terrible. It isn’t the worst. I think maybe it’s like one of those really good friends who tells us the truth, but still loves us as if whatever we’ve done never happened.♥️
perfect definition, thank you.