I think it's a wonderful thing not to be afraid of dying. It makes living much more free. I think most people are afraid of death, and that fear can stunt us, and make us more averse to taking risks. Letting go of that fear, or not having it at all must be very liberating. I'm much less afraid than I used to be, and I think the overriding feeling is that I'm finally so happy to be alive, that I want to savor every drop of life I have remaining. xoxo, Love you, Abby!
I think the older you are, the more used to dyjng you become. So many firends have died, you figure if they can do it, so can I. Plus it's narutal. The olanet can;t survie with. species that doesn;t die.
I agree that's true for some. But to use my father as an example? He was terrified of dying, and in his desperation and depression, probably missed out on a lot of missed opportunities, he was so terrified of his end. It was so hard to witness.
Yes. I've thought about this a lot too. My conclusion is there are worse things than death. Far worse. I won't talk about those things here because this is your lovely Substack and who needs to hear about my neurotic (yet feasible) fears?
I had just read the wasp chapter in Still Life At Eighty last night, Abigail, so to see its reprieve here today, to know that you’re still thinking about it, is uncanny. You do have a wonderful way of creating loops and circles. Or maybe a never-ending Möbius strip!
I think I meant 'refrain', not reprieve. You're not the only one struggling to recall the right word sometimes. But reprieve kind of works too! It is a very memorable wasp!
When my boyfriend Dan was dying and my mom was living with me on hospice and I had their two Do Not Resuscitate orders taped up in my front hallway, Death seemed to be swaggering through the house doing whatever he wanted. Nowadays, it’s me Death is waiting for, I guess. He seems better mannered now. I agree that it’s just part of life. Part of the story. But it’s so odd to know that without knowing the details. And that thing where we go to sleep and consider that we might not wake, well that’s just kind of a weird open-ended last moment. I like to think that if I die in my sleep, I will have some awareness of it. Even if I can’t write a
There is not a fucking thing wrong with you. None of us knows for sure what comes next. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. I'm not looking forward to dying, but I have no problem with being dead. Ya know? Sure you do.
Isn’t fear as much as I don’t want to miss out. This life is the only reality I know. My kids will miss me, I dont want to leave them, but I know the clock is ticking as the days fly by..
I had a near death experience in 1976 when I was 13. I fell through a glass shower door and shredded things like my arm, leg, nerves etc. I never felt a thing. No pain. I had a beautiful experience up there but decided to come back. Since then I’ve never been afraid of death. I don’t want to rush it because life is amazing but trust me, there’s nothing to fear!!
Being dead is like before you were born. I’m not afraid of it. What I fear is losing those I love. There have been so many, and it doesn’t get easier. I feel about some of my dead as you do about Chuck. I don’t believe in an afterlife but have read that in their final days people often see friends and family who have died. The one I most want to see at the end is my friend Val. If she appears, I will die happy.
I do think about this once and awhile. Primarily about what I might be missing once I'm gone. I'm one of those need to know people I guess. Nice article.
Often thought of this same shadow coming while I sleep, but like you I wake up. I think I fear the unknown more than death itself. But not an in your face fear, just a hidden shudder within. I, too know it lurks around me but doesn’t change me. As you said why worry about something that is inevitable for all of us? Thank you for putting this in words I understand and relate to. Thank you for being such an articulate writer with true emotions and intelligence. Here’s to you and your next spark of genius.
Approaching 70 in March of 2025, I am currently so aware of what my legacy will be, and when my life might end. It has somewhat stopped me from moving forward, I think. But I've had trauma lately, and lose, and those things will do that. Living in the present is a practice! Thank you for this post, Abbey.
I think it's a wonderful thing not to be afraid of dying. It makes living much more free. I think most people are afraid of death, and that fear can stunt us, and make us more averse to taking risks. Letting go of that fear, or not having it at all must be very liberating. I'm much less afraid than I used to be, and I think the overriding feeling is that I'm finally so happy to be alive, that I want to savor every drop of life I have remaining. xoxo, Love you, Abby!
I think the older you are, the more used to dyjng you become. So many firends have died, you figure if they can do it, so can I. Plus it's narutal. The olanet can;t survie with. species that doesn;t die.
I agree that's true for some. But to use my father as an example? He was terrified of dying, and in his desperation and depression, probably missed out on a lot of missed opportunities, he was so terrified of his end. It was so hard to witness.
IT IS A LITTLE LIKE BEING AFRAID TO EVEN BE ALIVE BECAUSE DEATH is inevitable once you're born. Your poor father.
Exactly.
Yes. I've thought about this a lot too. My conclusion is there are worse things than death. Far worse. I won't talk about those things here because this is your lovely Substack and who needs to hear about my neurotic (yet feasible) fears?
I do.
It’s ok. We are here to be present for each other’s joys and fears. No coincidence.
I had just read the wasp chapter in Still Life At Eighty last night, Abigail, so to see its reprieve here today, to know that you’re still thinking about it, is uncanny. You do have a wonderful way of creating loops and circles. Or maybe a never-ending Möbius strip!
Thank yo. I will never forget that wasp.
I think I meant 'refrain', not reprieve. You're not the only one struggling to recall the right word sometimes. But reprieve kind of works too! It is a very memorable wasp!
Thank yo. I will never forget that wasp.
When my boyfriend Dan was dying and my mom was living with me on hospice and I had their two Do Not Resuscitate orders taped up in my front hallway, Death seemed to be swaggering through the house doing whatever he wanted. Nowadays, it’s me Death is waiting for, I guess. He seems better mannered now. I agree that it’s just part of life. Part of the story. But it’s so odd to know that without knowing the details. And that thing where we go to sleep and consider that we might not wake, well that’s just kind of a weird open-ended last moment. I like to think that if I die in my sleep, I will have some awareness of it. Even if I can’t write a
so many difficult ways to die. I'd like to be aware when it shows di
There is not a fucking thing wrong with you. None of us knows for sure what comes next. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. I'm not looking forward to dying, but I have no problem with being dead. Ya know? Sure you do.
I'm in no hurry either.
Isn’t fear as much as I don’t want to miss out. This life is the only reality I know. My kids will miss me, I dont want to leave them, but I know the clock is ticking as the days fly by..
I do worry about my kids when I'm gone.
EITHER THE DAYS FLY AWAY EXCEPT ONCE IN A WHILE WHEN THEY DRAG ON;
This is bizarre but as I was reading this a wasp appeared up close. I waved it away. Shades of Jung. lol Synchronicity. I mean, wow.
Because I do at times fear death even though I intellectually get every word you said. Clearly, I need to wave that fear away.
GET OLD. IT HELPS.
Just turned 70. I can smell it.
Oh dear. Not a good smell. Smell something else right now this minute.
Haha 100%
I so love this Abigail!
I'm so grateful, thank you.
I had a near death experience in 1976 when I was 13. I fell through a glass shower door and shredded things like my arm, leg, nerves etc. I never felt a thing. No pain. I had a beautiful experience up there but decided to come back. Since then I’ve never been afraid of death. I don’t want to rush it because life is amazing but trust me, there’s nothing to fear!!
Thank yoo for telling me that. I love knowing.
Being dead is like before you were born. I’m not afraid of it. What I fear is losing those I love. There have been so many, and it doesn’t get easier. I feel about some of my dead as you do about Chuck. I don’t believe in an afterlife but have read that in their final days people often see friends and family who have died. The one I most want to see at the end is my friend Val. If she appears, I will die happy.
Be done! 😎
I do think about this once and awhile. Primarily about what I might be missing once I'm gone. I'm one of those need to know people I guess. Nice article.
I would. miss what my kids ands grandkids do, as well as my pals. But that's the deal,
“ so why worry that I am not worried.”
This is exceptionally exquisite thank you so much. I’m glad you’re not worried and that you didn’t find anything to worry about.
🌹 love you
AND I LOVE YOU.
i love you, too.
Often thought of this same shadow coming while I sleep, but like you I wake up. I think I fear the unknown more than death itself. But not an in your face fear, just a hidden shudder within. I, too know it lurks around me but doesn’t change me. As you said why worry about something that is inevitable for all of us? Thank you for putting this in words I understand and relate to. Thank you for being such an articulate writer with true emotions and intelligence. Here’s to you and your next spark of genius.
EXACTLY.
Soundtrack to this in my head is Iris Dement singing Let the Mystery Be.
I love that. And mystery is its own answer.
Approaching 70 in March of 2025, I am currently so aware of what my legacy will be, and when my life might end. It has somewhat stopped me from moving forward, I think. But I've had trauma lately, and lose, and those things will do that. Living in the present is a practice! Thank you for this post, Abbey.
LIVING IN THE PREENT IS THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING, I FIND.