128 Comments
User's avatar
Brooke Warner's avatar

This is beautiful, Abby. I love the notion that forgetting is part of memory. So true, and so important to consider that as we write. Happy New Year!

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Thank you, Brooke. I am smiling now.

GINNY ROWAN's avatar

Maybe wet with rain and out of breath. ABBY you nailed it 💕

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Ginny, thank you, thank you.

A CRONE WITH A BOTTLE. Or two.'s avatar

I look forward to reading a lot more of your beautiful writing in the years to come!

much love to you and yours

Abigail Thomas's avatar

And the same love to you. I sit here with a tin of smoked oysters to bring luck for the New Year, and nice bottle of rye. I hope you are ready too.

Ina's avatar

Ooh, smoked oysters! I can see the amber color oil in that tin. Fork or toothpick? Crackers or each neatly slurped on its own? Plenty of detail in one sentence.

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Fork, oil dripping all over me. Delicious. Happy New Year, Ina!

Peter Alan Howard's avatar

Makes me think of a huge old hotel, some rooms with lights, occupied by full bodied ghosts, others empty.

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Oh, I love that. Oh wow. Now I'm going to let that take me somewhere. I can see it right in front of me. Thank you. Oh, my! Thank you for this.

TY111's avatar

I love this so much. What a start to a New Year--and forgetting this past one. xo

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Forgetting 2025 as fast as I can too. What a putrescent year, but poked through with some hope, a word I rarely use. And thank you very much.

Amelia Demma's avatar

In my experience, hope shows up at the back door with its rusted hinges and dirty screen, often cloaked in humility and whiffing of suspect, but I try to let it in, too.

Susan OBrien's avatar

Sweet baby Jesus, Abigail!!! WHAT a literary triumph. 1. The difference between poetry and prose; 2. The secret to masterful writing; 3. Forgetting as a part of memory; and, 4. (So brilliant) A fragment of the past—real or not and maybe even yours—come to the door of now disheveled and breathless. Thank you. Thank you.

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Thank you, Susan. I love when what I write pleases you. But you already know that.

Thank you, thank you..

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Thank you very much, but I'm not worthy of brilliance. But I loved that you said it.

Waving From A Distance's avatar

"Life isn’t something that fits together like a puzzle, each piece locking into place with the one before and the one after. At least mine hasn’t."

And I thought it was just me ;)

This is a wonderful essay. I'd seen some of your work before, but I guess nothing hit as deeply as this one post.

You also wrote: "What we have forgotten has had its say in what shapes us, although it is done more or less behind our backs. It wasn’t long ago that it occurred to me that forgetting is part of memory."

Oh how I love that. Now I understand WHY I cannot remember what I am trying to write about. As my mother used to tell us when she'd forget something, "well it must not have been that important anyway."

Forgetting makes way for new memories.

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Thank you, but don't stop writing what you are wanting and trying to write. Who knows? Some tiny thing may get you there. We never know, reallly, do we? How this writing and memory and forgetting thing works? Don't stop.

Waving From A Distance's avatar

No worries! This year I finish the book about my grandmother (born in 1884, died 1966). The one I started writing five years ago. A book that has dogged me since 2006 when I first saw the initial chapter as if it were an imaginary scene in a period movie while I time-traveled to the distant past. Oh, have to say, while I was completely stoned! I could swear I remember things that happened before I was born, but I assume it's just fancy!

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Not fancy. Sometimes we are given permission --why what I don't know,--and by whom, ditto-- to visit other times. My grandmother, Bigmom, was born in 1888 and died in 1976. She was really something. I know yours was too. Hurry up and finish the book so I can read it.And I bet your grandmother will be delighted.

Waving From A Distance's avatar

Thank you for your encouragement. I am beginning again today. Going back to the initial drafts before I started tearing them apart all confused about theme, story and something called a story arc. The hell with that. I'm just going to keep going and see where it takes me, theme, arc or lack thereof! Some day, I will say I am an "Author" and really mean it! A few literal journal successes seemed to have faded in my mind as important enough to call myself that. I think it's because my grandmother stopped visiting me when I stopped listening to her ...

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Banish the words "narrative arc" from your mind immediately. Means shit. Just write. "Theme," too. All those nonsensical rules. Make what you are going to make. It is yours to invent.

Waving From A Distance's avatar

I decided to do that last month when I realized the person who derailed me meant well but just pushed me off track. Thanks!

Lisa Cottrell's avatar

Thank you for this, Abby. I think the things I’ve forgotten have probably saved me.

Abigail Thomas's avatar

There's that, of course. Yes. And thank you, Lisa. Happy New Year to you.

Lisa Cottrell's avatar

Happy New Year to you, Abby!

Amy Koss's avatar

Thank you for: “What we have forgotten has had its say in what shapes us, although it is done more or less behind our backs.” Happy new year!

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Thank you, and Happy New Year to you, too. So pleased you liked that part. It's so mysterious, isn;t it?

Nancy G. Shapiro's avatar

You made my day, Abby…and wrapped the missing pieces in fantastical bows and ribbons of gratefulness!

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Nancy, thank you so much. I love the idea of all those missing oieces wrapped uo, waiting to be opened. I don't think they will mind if we rip them open, to see what's inside.

Ingeborg Weinmann White's avatar

"What we have forgotten has had its say in what shapes us, although it is done more or less behind our backs."

"Now and then, something shows up out of nowhere, maybe wet with rain and out of breath, but it’s a good idea to open the door, welcome it home, no matter the message it brings. Then start writing."

Love this whole piece, Abby, what a wonderful gift and reminder for the New Year! You are also a poet! Love you!

Abigail Thomas's avatar

So are you, darling Ingeborg, and thank you. Hugs and kisses for the New Year. Please may it be different from this old one.

Ingeborg Weinmann White's avatar

Please, please... Hugs and kisses back.

Nancy Jainchill's avatar

"What we have forgotten has had its say in what shapes us, although it is done more or less behind our backs. It wasn’t long ago that it occurred to me that forgetting is part of memory." I love this. I'm going to write it down so as not to forget it!

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Thanks, Nancy. So happy you liked this.

Annie Scholl's avatar

Happy new year, dear Abby. Thank you for bringing us all into these moments. Thank you for bringing me in. Much love.

Abigail Thomas's avatar

Oh, Annie. So much love to you, too. Happiest of New Years to you.

Getting Through My Own Shit's avatar

My lack of memory is as helpful as my memory to my writing. Great piece

Janet Boudreau's avatar

You are a natural born teacher, Abigail. And yes, yes! Gaps in our memories are a huge part of the whole story. My brain and ability to bring back memories is sharp at sixty-five, but selective. I sometimes wonder if I blur out times I don’t want to dwell on. My husband has Alzheimer’s. I sift through memories everyday to keep conversations going for what it’s worth. He shakes his head at my skills for remembering names, places, details, but it really doesn’t mean anything to him. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything to the reader either.