THE PRIMAL WHINE

Its' Funny, But It Helps

Photo by Zachary Kadolph on Unsplash

This is going to sound like a joke, and it is funny, but when you’re stuck, facing something you don’t want to write—either something you don’t know how to begin, or something you don’t want to reveal even to yourself, and you can’t or won’t do it, start whining. Really. There’s a reason every child on this planet is born with the ability to whine. Whining is satisfying. Try it. Wah wah wah, and get your voice in that irritating register that whining requires. If you don’t feel better when you stop, I’d be surprised. After all, there is no parent losing his or her patience with the terrifically annoying sound of it, there’s just you and this primal sound that is very satisfying, even fulfilling. Try it.

Now put it to work. Start to complain. Whine. “I don’t waaant to do this, this is too haard, I haaate this, I don’t know how to doooo this, waah waah, waah, it’s too hard and I hate it because it’s so haaard, I can’t write this stooopid shit, I don’t waaaant to write about it about that stoopid time it’s too boring and aaawful, and everyone will hate it they will hate meee  and I can’t because when I…”  Write it and pretty soon you may find yourself whining about why it’s so hard with a few details thrown in and the next thing you know you’re writing it. Really. No kidding. Give it a shot.

     One more trick. If there’s something that’s too hard to begin, don’t. Write about what you’re doing instead of writing. Maybe you’re cooking or smoking or painting or gardening so write about how you occupy yourself while you avoid what you are meant to be doing.  Let us know who you are when you are doing what you love. (That could almost be a stand-alone essay.) Once you’ve done that, it can sometimes pass for the opening of your book.

     I had most of a book written except the first chapter. I just didn’t know how it would begin. So since I was painting back then, I wrote about that instead. And it became the opening chapter of a book called What Comes Next And How To Like It. Both of these tricks have worked for me, or I wouldn’t dream of even bringing them up because they sound ridiculous,

(Make sure you’re alone when you do the Primal Whine.) And don’t forget the H. Primal Wine Therapy doesn’t work.