NOT A TOTAL WASH

 NOT A TOTAL WASH

Day full of anxiety. I’m too old for this shit. And it came out of nowhere, as the worst things do. Name it, and it will go away, but I can’t. Daphne kept barking and at first I had no patience until I realized the water bowl was empty. Filled it immediately, told her I was sorry. Then I made another creature with a pointy head which is resting on the coffee table next to my foot, getting dry. It cheers me a little. I used to think curiosity and a sense of humor could help with surviving, but what I really need is a place to put anger and grief and despair. On top of missing you, it’s the politics. Half this country is out of its mind. My friend Adele says she uses the word heartbreak. It helps, she says. I love Adele. My old friend Rick mentioned Joni Mitchell  and I listened to  “Woodstock.” That song makes me cry every time.Then Jimi Hendrix. God. I’m probably naive, but it seems there was more hope back then. More of something, anyway, and I miss it, whatever it was.But at least I realized I’m not anxious, I’m depressed, and I listened to some fucking great music, so the day was not a total wash.

jimi hendrix playing at woodstock 1969